Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
