ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
