I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
