Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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