I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
