People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
