what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
