My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
