I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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