Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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