My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
