i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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