Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
