I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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