do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
