Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
