Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
