Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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