I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Farmville is her only friend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
