I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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