some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
