Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize