I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
