my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
