pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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