guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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