Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
