I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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