She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
