I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
