Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
