dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
