Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
