I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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