eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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