Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize