The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
