I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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