OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
