How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
