Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
