i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
