i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
