My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
