I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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