i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
