he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize