I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
