soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
