wanna go halves on a baby?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
