You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
