I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
