we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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