I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
