I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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