what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
