I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
