I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
