I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
