Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
