I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
