just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
