They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
