dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
