so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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