I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
