You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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