i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My feet surprised me
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