so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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