You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
