I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
