Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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