Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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