Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
