That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well you can't waste a boner
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize