The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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