i don't like sucking hair
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
